Saudade Vilomah
Have you ever had to sit down and do something hard? Like really hard... or watch someone else go through the unimaginable, you watch as they go through the thing in life that keeps you up at night fearing most. This past month has been a month that has shaped my life forever. As I was still in the ending stages of building my business, not quite ready to release it, I was put in a moment where I had to make a decision to fast track it all and release it or potentially hold off and find a way to navigate it another way. I received a phone call that a beautiful person I knew was on an emergency flight for life to Denver with her unborn baby as her husband rushed from the mountains to meet her.
With so much unknown and a request to get meals together for them, I sat down and did it! I did the hard thing and spent all night in the dark finishing it all the while sending every ounce of strength and hope to them. The next few days were awful, and I say that lightly because the feelings I was feeling were nothing in comparison to what this family was enduring. Precious Thomas Nebel was born on February 14th, 2024 to Pamela and Paul Nebel. On February 24th, Thomas devastatingly took his last breath.
It has been a month of tears, of compassion, of empathy, of what-ifs and whys, and a month of learning that there is a gap that desperately needs to be filled in our community. A gap so big it is like walking at night barefoot in the middle of the snowy mountains with no compass. The grieving don't have the words or strength to tell you how to help and their village doesn't know how to navigate showing up, because this is not supposed to be familiar territory. There isn't a map or handbook out there for this pain. So in the dark of the night, Helping Hands became a small but growing vessel to bridge the great gap. A vessel of support for the grieving and for the village wanting to show up.
On March 13th, 2024 after hours of thought and intention, Thomas' Wings of Love Memorial Fund was set up. Through donations and sponsorships, this fund will be used to support families in our community who are facing the most difficult of days. With a focus on those going through a miscarriage, premature birth, the loss of an infant or child, or struggling after birth, Helping Hands will be able to provide free services to those who need it most.Getting to this point brings me so much pride, but it wasn't without navigating the pain and unknown. With the blessing and encouragement of his parents, Thomas will forever be remembered and honored. His name and memory will hold so much meaning in our little community.
Each referral Helping Hands receives will be another little light of hope that is given to another family enduring the darkness. Each donation received is another community member seeing the gap and showing up as the village. I get to be a part of something so important, and it is all because of that moment where the unknown took over and little Thomas and his parents became the light.
I want to leave you with two words that have sat with me for many years but never meant so very much until recently. A person who loses their spouse is called a widow, a child who loses their parents is called an orphan. For a very long time, there has been no word to describe a parent who loses their child. This loss is against the natural order and is so unimaginable that no word held enough meaning or value.
Sometime ago I came across the term Vilomah. Vilomah is a term used to describe a parent who has experienced the loss of a child. The word itself comes from Sanskrit and means "against a natural order." It signifies the profound and devastating experience of a parent outliving their child, which goes against the expected course of life. Vilomah parents navigate a unique and heartbreaking journey of grief, finding strength and solidarity within a community that understands their pain. They carry on despite the unimaginable loss of their children, honoring their memory and finding ways to cope with their grief.
Another word that embedded into my mind sometime ago is Saudade. "Saudade" is a Portuguese term that conveys a deep emotional state of longing or nostalgia for something or someone that is absent or far away. It is a complex and intense feeling of missing someone or something, often accompanied by a sense of incompleteness and melancholy. Saudade is not just a simple feeling of missing someone, but it also carries with it a deep emotional connection and a sense of yearning for what once was or what could have been. It is a bittersweet mix of emotions that can be difficult to fully express in words.
Now for just a second, really stop and think about that. Saudade Vilomah.
