Saudade Vilomah

Have you ever had to sit down and do something hard? Like really hard... or watch someone else go through the unimaginable, you watch as they go through the thing in life that keeps you up at night fearing most. This past month has been a month that has shaped my life forever. As I was still in the ending stages of building my business, not quite ready to release it, I was put in a moment where I had to make a decision to fast track it all and release it or potentially hold off and find a way to navigate it another way. I received a phone call that a beautiful person I knew was on an emergency flight for life to Denver with her unborn baby as her husband rushed from the mountains to meet her.

With so much unknown and a request to get meals together for them, I sat down and did it! I did the hard thing and spent all night in the dark finishing it all the while sending every ounce of strength and hope to them. The next few days were awful, and I say that lightly because the feelings I was feeling were nothing in comparison to what this family was enduring. Precious Thomas Nebel was born on February 14th, 2024 to Pamela and Paul Nebel. On February 24th, Thomas devastatingly took his last breath.

It has been a month of tears, of compassion, of empathy, of what-ifs and whys, and a month of learning that there is a gap that desperately needs to be filled in our community. A gap so big it is like walking at night barefoot in the middle of the snowy mountains with no compass. The grieving don't have the words or strength to tell you how to help and their village doesn't know how to navigate showing up, because this is not supposed to be familiar territory. There isn't a map or handbook out there for this pain. So in the dark of the night, Helping Hands became a small but growing vessel to bridge the great gap. A vessel of support for the grieving and for the village wanting to show up.

On March 13th, 2024 after hours of thought and intention, Thomas' Wings of Love Memorial Fund was set up. Through donations and sponsorships, this fund will be used to support families in our community who are facing the most difficult of days. With a focus on those going through a miscarriage, premature birth, the loss of an infant or child, or struggling after birth, Helping Hands will be able to provide free services to those who need it most.Getting to this point brings me so much pride, but it wasn't without navigating the pain and unknown. With the blessing and encouragement of his parents, Thomas will forever be remembered and honored. His name and memory will hold so much meaning in our little community.

Each referral Helping Hands receives will be another little light of hope that is given to another family enduring the darkness. Each donation received is another community member seeing the gap and showing up as the village. I get to be a part of something so important, and it is all because of that moment where the unknown took over and little Thomas and his parents became the light.

I want to leave you with two words that have sat with me for many years but never meant so very much until recently. A person who loses their spouse is called a widow, a child who loses their parents is called an orphan. For a very long time, there has been no word to describe a parent who loses their child. This loss is against the natural order and is so unimaginable that no word held enough meaning or value.

Sometime ago I came across the term Vilomah. Vilomah is a term used to describe a parent who has experienced the loss of a child. The word itself comes from Sanskrit and means "against a natural order." It signifies the profound and devastating experience of a parent outliving their child, which goes against the expected course of life. Vilomah parents navigate a unique and heartbreaking journey of grief, finding strength and solidarity within a community that understands their pain. They carry on despite the unimaginable loss of their children, honoring their memory and finding ways to cope with their grief.

Another word that embedded into my mind sometime ago is Saudade. "Saudade" is a Portuguese term that conveys a deep emotional state of longing or nostalgia for something or someone that is absent or far away. It is a complex and intense feeling of missing someone or something, often accompanied by a sense of incompleteness and melancholy. Saudade is not just a simple feeling of missing someone, but it also carries with it a deep emotional connection and a sense of yearning for what once was or what could have been. It is a bittersweet mix of emotions that can be difficult to fully express in words.

Now for just a second, really stop and think about that. Saudade Vilomah.

Zoe Marie

The Rebirth - One Moment That Redefined My Whole Being

As I sit down to write my very first blog post, I find myself enveloped in a whirlwind of emotions that range from excitement and nervousness to a deep sense of vulnerability. It's a mix of feelings that I have experienced countless times throughout my journey as a mother of four incredible children and a devoted wife to my amazing husband. The road of motherhood has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride - filled with exhilarating highs and heartbreaking lows, moments of pure joy and chaotic unpredictability. Each birth, each child, has brought with it a new set of challenges and blessings that have tested me, shaped me, and ultimately transformed me into the woman I am today.

When I look back at the early days of my journey into motherhood, I am struck by the multitude of challenges and moments of uncertainty that I faced. If you had seen me while pregnant with my first child or heard the comments and questions that were directed towards me, you would never have imagined how my life would unfold.

I was bombarded with well-meaning advice, unsolicited opinions, and societal expectations about what motherhood should look like. People would often comment on how my life was about to change completely, how I would never sleep again, how unconventional my choices were and the path I was walking and how I would have to give up my own dreams and aspirations to prioritize my child.

But amidst all the noise and doubt, I made a conscious decision to walk forward with clarity and determination. I knew deep down what I wanted for myself and my family, and I refused to let the fears and doubts of others dictate my path. I chose to take every word spoken to me with a grain of salt, filtering out the negativity and embracing the positivity and support that came my way.

As I navigated the ups and downs of early motherhood, I realized that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to being a mother. Every journey is unique, every challenge is an opportunity for growth, and every moment of uncertainty is a chance to trust in myself and my instincts.

So, I embraced the unknown with an open heart and a resilient spirit, knowing that no matter what challenges lay ahead, I had the strength and determination to overcome them. And as I look back on the path that led me to where I am today, I am grateful for every twist and turn, every doubt and fear, because they have all shaped me into the mother and woman that I am proud to be.

The title of my blog post, "The Rebirth - One Moment That Redefined My Whole Being," holds a profound significance for me. It encapsulates the belief that the act of giving birth is not just a physical process, but a deeply spiritual and transformative journey that has the power to change a woman at her very core. This journey is deeply personal and unique to each mother, influenced by her individual experiences, beliefs, and support system.

For me, the journey of motherhood has been a tapestry woven with threads of overwhelming love and joy, interspersed with moments of solitude and uncertainty. While I am grateful for the unwavering love of my family and the support of my friends, there have been instances where I have felt adrift and alone in the midst of postpartum life. It is during these moments of vulnerability that the seed for Helping Hands - an offering with a focus on fourth trimester support and services was planted within me. This endeavor aims to provide non-medical, in-home support to women after pregnancy, offering a compassionate and nurturing space for new mothers to heal and recover.

I understand that the journey into motherhood can be overwhelming and exhausting, both physically and emotionally. I believe that a new mother also deserves to be mothered herself, to be cared for and nurtured while she heals and adjusts to the new chapter in her life. My goal is to take the burdens off of her and her partner, allowing them to focus on healing and resting, rather than worrying about the daily tasks and responsibilities that can be so easily overlooked during this vulnerable time. I aim to provide a supportive and compassionate environment where new mothers can feel supported, understood, and valued, knowing that they are not alone in this journey.

Helping Hands offers postpartum support services, providing emotional support, guidance, and practical assistance to mothers as they navigate the challenges of early motherhood. As a mother of four myself, I have witnessed firsthand the transformative power of compassionate care and understanding in helping women cope with the physical and emotional demands of motherhood.

I believe in providing a holistic and tailored approach to support new mothers during their postpartum journey. I understand the importance of assisting in all aspects of life at home, whether it's helping a partner or sibling with the transition, taking care of light housekeeping tasks, supporting mom in self-care practices, caring for the baby while mom and/or partner rest, preparing light meals or meal prepping, and even helping with errands or follow-up appointments. My goal is to alleviate the daily stressors and responsibilities that can often be overwhelming for new parents, allowing them to focus on healing, bonding with their baby, and taking the time they need to rest and recover. We strive to create a nurturing and supportive environment where new mothers can feel empowered, cared for, and supported as they navigate the early stages of motherhood.

In addition to my in person postpartum support packages, a key service offered through Helping Hands, is a personalized postpartum recovery meal plan, designed to nourish and support new mothers during this delicate period. As a firm believer in the power of food as medicine, I have curated a menu of nutrient-rich and healing meals that cater to the specific needs of postpartum women, promoting physical recovery and emotional well-being.

Through my work building Helping Hands and my personal experiences as a mother, I have come to understand the profound impact of support and compassion during the postpartum journey. While birth plans and post birth plans are important, life often throws unexpected curveballs that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unprepared. It is during these moments of vulnerability that a helping hand, a listening ear, and a warm meal can make all the difference in navigating the choppy waters of postpartum life. The transition into motherhood can be a lonely and isolating experience, especially for first-time mothers who may feel lost in the sea of conflicting advice and expectations. It is my hope that through the services provided by Helping Hands, I can offer a lifeline to women who are struggling to find their footing in this new chapter of their lives.

The journey of motherhood is a deeply personal and transformative experience that has the power to reshape our identities, redefine our priorities, and challenge our preconceived notions of who we are and what we are capable of. It is a journey that is marked by moments of profound joy and fulfillment, as well as moments of doubt, fear, and vulnerability. Through my blog, I hope to create a space for honest and open dialogue about the realities of motherhood - the joys, the struggles, the triumphs, and the setbacks.

As I embark on this new chapter of my life as a blogger, postpartum support, and advocate for maternal wellness, I am filled with a sense of purpose and determination to make a positive impact on the lives of women in my community. I believe that by sharing my own experiences, insights, and lessons learned along the way, I can offer support, encouragement, and inspiration to other mothers who may be facing similar challenges.

Together, we will create a safe and nurturing space where mothers can come together to share their experiences, seek guidance, and find solace in knowing that they are not alone in their journey. Through support and connection groups, support packages and services, and one-on-one sessions, Helping Hands will provide a wide range of resources and tools to empower women to embrace motherhood with confidence and resilience.

In closing, I invite you to join me on this journey of self-discovery, growth, and empowerment as we explore the complexities and beauty of motherhood together. Let us walk hand in hand, sharing our stories, our struggles, and our triumphs, as we navigate the unpredictable terrain of parenthood with grace, resilience, and love. Thank you for being a part of this community, and I look forward to the journey ahead.

Zoe Marie